Sunday, July 10, 2011

security

Did you know that the expensive things are in the isle are in line where the service counter is...

pirates

I have a system to protect ships from pirates.  It is simple and cheap to install. Please post a comment if you require a quote. Email addresses will not be published.

hydrogen oxygen tax

Due to the amount of added water in general food stuffs by the major stores in Australia the government will introduce a excess water tax for the major supermarkets. I just cooked eggs and bacon and had to boil off the water before it would give that nice crispy flovor of the bacon adding an extra fuel bill, to boil off the water. We Australians need a pay rise to also pay for the water we do not drink from the water supply. The water authorities have to increase the price of water to cover the costs of the low water consuption. It is good that I was a commercial diver as wearing a snorkel and goggles when going to the meat section brings back old memories. When will it ever end.....

Thursday, July 7, 2011

slaughter of animals

I worked as a slaughter man here in Australia. One day a sheep was not killed and was sent up the chain and was being skinned alive and when it got to me. I stopped the chain and killed the animal. To this day I still have nightmares because of the brutality and cruelty that was inflicted on this animal and me. Mine only being emotional. Don't throw stones at other countries when it is done here....Nuff said.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Cancer

I believe that eating red meat in a raw or semi raw state can contribute to an increased risk of cancer. When you see the scientists cloning and manipulating plants with fish DNA to get a required result then what I have said is plausible. Disease can travel across species eg. bats to horses then to humans then the humans die is this not a form of cancer that reacts in weeks rather than years. Is disease not a form of cancer some of which is terminal? Look I haven't made this a life times work but to all I would like you to do some research for yourself.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Windows

If you make your windows about twelve inches wide intruders cannot fit threw the broken glass hole lift behind.
Make the windows non opening and use sections of the wall that open to allow for air movement one at the extreme top of the building and the other at the extreme bottom on the opposite side of the building and the air flow will cool the occupants.
Windows and shutters set up this way will allow for a chimney effect, screens can be placed over the shutter openings and do not restrict the view.
This leaves the windows for looking out of. Then there is the added bonus of having to make only one frame to hold the window glass not three, first hole to hold the say metal frame the metal frame to hold the sliding frame to hold the window.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Australian universities budget cuts

TAKE NOTE!!! 




DUE TO BUDGET CUTS, THIS IS YOUR NEW OFFICE 
















NEW OFFICE POLICY


Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not
need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.



Sick Days:
 
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
 
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays. 

Bereavement Leave:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break: (Love this one)


* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.


The Management