Showing posts with label comedy science ideas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label comedy science ideas. Show all posts

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Thieves caught with new tracking devices

Last week My sons house was broken into.  But there was a twist to the break in, he is a policeman. Not just an ordinary copper one whom has great skills with computers, You see his electric stuff has tracking devices connected to it. When unplugged from the power source it enables the tracking device when the power is reinstated the device is switched on, delivering the criminals directly to the police. These devices are set on a delay of up to a month or more and do not and can not be detected with other equipment.  The first tracking device to switch on was a cheap electric drill.  This was the first time this equipment was tried in real world scenario and passed with flying colours.
Police 1
Criminals 0
Further information can be obtained threw supplying a comment to this post with your details.

On my walk

On my walk this morning there was a young woman and her small boy who didn't want to go to school. In frustration the woman yelled "you have to go to school. SCHO double LL" Makes one wonder how badly we are doing at training. At school and after school. Discipline Commitment and Learning are probably three areas where we need to start a new curriculum.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Sugar and chocolate

Last Christmas I visited friends in the back blocks of Tasmania. I took along some chocolates and lollies for the children. Now these children are home schooled and eat the best home grown and farm fresh meats and fish as a normal diet. These children are extremely fit and well adjusted and happy with no television. The lollies and chocolate was distributed to the children as a surprise. The little girl was asked what she wanted for Christmas and the reply was nothing, I have everything. This was a unusual answer as my own children would have rattled off a list as long as ones arm. The chocolate was devoured and the transformation was complete. Running fighting and climbing trees like a monkey total bedlam. The mother looked at me and I at her we were dumbfound by the results instant ADHD was the result. Yes Sugar and chocolate was the cause of this abnormal behavior. These children were normally polite and placid caring children the type you saw on "The Walton's"
If you are having trouble with your children's behavior just remove the sugar from there diet and they will be happier.
Posted by Professor Iggle

Monday, May 21, 2012

I feel so honoured

The people of Queensland got 11 million dollars for the floods combined . I got flooded out in Gundagai and to date I got nothing not even from insurance. Now I am Honoured to now know 300 million dollars will go to Afghanistan. What for killing Australian soldiers! or is it to appease the consciences of the Prime minister. The thing is it wont work,she has to live with the deaths of our soldiers. Assination may also be on the rise in Australia as I now have rats in the house. The funny thing is the damage to the house is from (Humidity)not flood in one hot dry area that has just come out of drought because of the flood. It wasn't fixed and the house stood from about 5th March to now 21 May I wonder where all the water went in a closed house?

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Big Ben the tower clock in London

I here they are going to rename the clock. I think that the colonies should have a vote on the name and what it is to be. I put forward the name Big Ben and I would like to have all you vote so we can send the government of England a petition. please vote by sending a comment.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Australian universities budget cuts

TAKE NOTE!!! 




DUE TO BUDGET CUTS, THIS IS YOUR NEW OFFICE 
















NEW OFFICE POLICY


Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not
need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.



Sick Days:
 
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
 
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays. 

Bereavement Leave:

This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break: (Love this one)


* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.


The Management